Surprise!

Well, for those of you that don't know.....I am pregnant.....again. This makes baby #3. The funny thing is that it was planned. I knew when "it" happened that I would be pregnant. Although, I am still freaking out a bit. I am 37 years old pregnant with my third child. I will have 3 children 3 years old and under. I think I am either 7 or 8 weeks along. Normally, I would keep it quiet until after the 1st trimester, but I am already "showing". It is too hard to hide. And I am tired of making excuses to why I am sick all of the time. Surprisingly, I already had an ultrasound at 6 weeks.

I realize I have not been blogging and for that matter on the web. I have been so nauseated and just feeling bad. I used to be on the web before the kids woke up and after they went to bed, but not anymore. I now find myself curled up in a ball until after the kids awake and go to bed soon after they go to sleep. Sometimes as early as 8 o'clock. I don't remember being this tired. It isn't just being tired, I feel completely exhausted.

Am I old? Is this why I am feeling like crap? I know, I am too old to be having babies while I still have 2 toddlers. So, of course I am considered high risk. Not only because of my age, but because of my 2 previous c-sections.

This is a topic that really frustrates me and quite frankly angers me. My first child was breech, so it was a medically necessary c-section. The next delivery should have been natural, but my doctor convinced me the baby was growing so fast that they needed to do a c-section. In hind sight, I realize neither my health nor my baby's health were in jeopardy. This one was not medically necessary. What I do know is that doctors hate having to stay in the hospital the whole time while a mom tries to labor for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). It is no longer about what a patient wants. It is about what is more convenient for the doctor. They are the ones getting paid for their services. I don't understand why they cannot go through with a patient's wishes. I am a nurse and understand the medical standpoint, but I had no health risk factors that would prevent me. I do realize there is a place for everything. I do know that if it is a risk for the baby or mother's safety then, so be it, a c-section is necessary.

I have made birth plans, but never really made light of them to my doctor. I feel like this time I should and stick to it. When I went in for my appointment last week, she immediately said, "you know you will be having a c-section, right?" And I said, No, I won't unless it is truly medically necessary. I told her don't be surprised if I don't show up for my scheduled c-section. I will labor at home and and go in when the time is ready. Of course, if there are any complications, I will change the plan, but I feel like it should be my plan.

I just feel so cheated that I didn't experience labor for either birth. Not even one labor pain. It is a "Rite of Passage" that I was not given the opportunity. I really want it, unless it will bring harm to the baby. I think the closest to labor I felt was during my true first pregnancy when I was miscarrying. (Don't send pity over this, I am over it.) So in actuality, this is my 4th pregnancy. I try to forget about the 1st one.

So, my goal is to have a natural vaginal childbirth after 2 c-sections. My doctor thinks I am nuts, but this is my will. I am scouring the New Orleans area to find a new doctor that will work with me, but it seems that all the doctors that would have, have fled the area since Katrina. If you know of someone, please let me know (leave a comment or email me).